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Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are sent in by our readers. Send yours to tips@defamer.com and let the world know that you've seen Vince Vaughn's man-tit up close.

In today's episode: Jack Nicholson ogling ladies at the Grove; Colin Farrell showing disregard for a great American custom; Orlando Bloom, hiking solo; Brittany Murphy getting a bowl full of "gotta have it"; John Voight buying fruit on V-Day; Christian Bale toy shopping within blocks of John C. McGinley walking; Kiefer Sutherland opting for a free drink over the paid kind; Kiefer again; Andy Dick being delightful at Blockbuster; David Schwimmer incognito while mysteriously handling a banana; John Mayer; Jennifer Tilly; Jason Patric; Alan Cumming; Shandi from ANTM; Kyle "Kage" Gass; a bunch of celebs collecting swag at the Viper Room; Scott Caan; Martin "Kresse" Kove; Matthew St Patrick; Neil "The Janitor" Flynn; Bill Faggerbakke. David S. Goyer. and Tom Kenny; Ian Ziering; Meredith "Baxter-Birney" Baxter; Jeffrey Nordling.

· Friday night, my girlfriends and I stopped in at the Whisper Lounge at the Grove for some fruity mixed drinks. When we left, I noticed that Jack Nicholson was sitting at the bar with only his trademark glasses for company. He totally checked us out, but I think he sensed that none of us would be willing to bleach our ass for him. Nevertheless, now you know: Jack likes the Grove.

· My stepmother called me all excited (Superbowl Sunday, about 3 pm) to say she was shopping at the Studio City Gelson's and so was...Colin Farrell! She breathily reported it was a bit of a madhouse as the Soccer Moms and other Valley types descended upon him. Seriously, what's Colin Farrell doing in a suburban supermarket? Doesn't he have "people" to buy his snack foods for him? And clearly not a football fan, he was missing the Superbowl kickoff! Damn those Europeans and their love for soccer. Downright un-American.

· got my ass back to Runyon Canyon after listing the Orlando Bloom w/o Kate Bosworth siting. And who do I see? Orlando Bloom. And he's just as hot as advertised. Plus, clearly loves each and every straggler in his menagerie of dogs. Thank you, Defamer. I no longer need to exercise.

· Friday night, Cold Stone in the mini-mall across from the Beverly Center. One skinny Minnie, Brittany Murphy, with the "gotta have it" — i.e., the largest size — cup of ice cream sporting chunks of chocolate stuff in it. I didn't actually see her eat any of it, but the guy she was with had his own, so I'm assuming that was for her. Anyway. The girl is freakin' tiny, wearing skinny jeans on her skinny legs and heels. Couldn't tell what kind of a shirt she was wearing, but it looked like she was being swallowed up by her poufy trench coat. She and the boy-o nuzzled and whatnot until they got their change and people in line started saying, "Isn't that Brittany Murphy?!"

· I bumped into Jon Voight at the Whole Foods Market last night in Beverly Hills. I mean that literally - his cart was blocking the aisle and I didn't see it in time. What was Jon Voight doing at a grocery store at 8pm on Valentine's Day, you might ask? Buying a cartload of fresh fruit.

· Scrub's Dr. Cox, John C. McGinley walking down 3rd Street Promenade with a tall brunette woman. Got the feeling she wasn't a girlfriend type. And less than 30 minutes later, I stopped into the going-out-of-business Toys R Us on Santa Monica Blvd. & 4th St and Christian Bale and another tall brunette woman were there. They seemed to be doing some serious toy-shopping. I didn't notice if they had picked up any Batman toys (which are 20% off I might add!)

· Wednesday at Tangier to see Jonathan Richman, which is good enough, but Kiefer Sutherland sitting with a woman at a table in a super-dark corner of the restaurant not there to see the show (Why go there otherwise?). After said performance, drummer Tommy Larkin at the bar with a drink ticket ordering a Maker's Mark and getting denied by the bartender saying, "Those only work on well drinks, it's $10." Him replying, "Just gimme a Corona."

· ....no wonder I can barely afford my apartment. Tonight (2/9) while driving home we saw Kiefer Sutherland weaving his way up Hillhurst in a Range Rover with Ontario plates (do famous people get to pretend they're Canadian? I want to pretend I'm Canadian, too...).[Ed.note—As many readers have pointed out, he's Canadian. And probably really upset over the NHL cancelling their season.] Both he and the female passenger were on their cell phones, which is a good non-litigious explanation of his erratic driving. Sadly, plans of further stalking were foiled when he veered into the valet parking at Farfalla.

· Fri. 2/04 bumped into one Andy Dick waiting in line at the La Cienega Blockbuster. Had a nice chat w/ the rather tall comedian, who was very normal. I forget what he and his young, attractive in a weho way male friend were renting but he was quite interested in my "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter" (great title shitty movie). I recommended City of God to him, to which he replied that he doesn't like subtitles. Hope he took my advice anyway as that movie rocks so hard it hurts.
Anywho I think he thought I was cute (sorry I'm straight). All in all A. Dick was anything but. Andy if only all the celebs in Plastic City could be half as cool as you. [Ed.note—We make no guarantees that this was not submitted by Andy Dick.]

· Saturday at Erewhon in the parking lot, David Schwimmer trying to be on the "DL" in a baseball cap, carrying a banana peel. He actually put it in the garbage can - Friends don't litter!

· Saturday morning at Mel's on Sunset, I saw a pre-Grammy John Mayer with a small posse waiting for their car from the complimentary valet. He was wearing jeans and a button-down shirt, looking slightly ruffled but casual. He got into a black Mercedes with said posse, though he rode in the passenger's seat.

· My australian friend and I were at the Virgin megastore in WeHo late last night, perusing the $10 DVD's. He was extolling the virtues of, "Bound", when lo, and behold, Jennifer Tilly appears. My friend quietly shat a brick and started giggling (I guess he likes Jennifer). We moved to the next bin when Jennifer zeroed in on her DVD and said some snide remark about it being on sale to her man friend. She's incredibly pale, had no makeup on, and was taller and more zaftig than I thought she would be. I thought she looked kinda peaked, but my friend thought she looked great .

· Saw Jason Patric at Walgreen's in Santa Monica. He was coming up the elevator scratching his balls. We were both on the cell phone but we made that eye contract and then I rolled my eyes remembering he's the "Angelina" that broke up Julia and Kiefer. I walked into Wally's behind him and headed to the Rx, however, he spoke rather loudly on the
Motorola v series phone, still scratching his balls incessantly. I hesitated to ask if he wanted to join me in line, seeing as he clearly needs some ointment for that jock itch. And I don't care what fuggin' IMDB says he's a short 5'10. Still hawt tho, ball scratchin' and all.

· This morning (2/9), while pulling into the Chateau Marmont, almost (accidentally!) hit someone with my car. Literally, he jumped. Then I look up and see it's Alan Cumming. That would have been embarassing. In my defense, it's hard to see when you're turning into that teeny little drive!

Also, driving through Beverly Hills the other day at about 8:45AM, saw Shandi from ANTM walking down Wilshire. Homegirl's not so cute...but then, she's the one with the modeling contract, not I!

· friday 2/4/05, the echo-a surprisingly unmobbed kage, aka kyle gass, staying behind after the panthers set to see beck rehearse for his inevitable club tour later this year...i mean, showcase some new songs.

· attended the Viper Room's STAR Style Lounge this weekend which was a fashion showcase at The Viper Room that allowed nominees, presenters, performers and celebrities to get free stuff like designer clothing, jewelry, and accessories before the Grammys. People there while I was there were: The Mike from Linkin Park, Nicole Eggetr (tiny and tan with the wrinkles to prove it), Paul van Dyk, Snoop Dogg's main man Don Magic Juan, and Eliza Dushku (who had some paparazzi problems before entering the venue).

· Saturday afternoon at The Grove saw scruffy, Hollywood nepo-type, Scott Caan, holding court with four equally scruffy scenester types. Though his crew were masked behind various caps and aviator sunglasses, Caan clearly stood out with his several days growth beard and his hobbit-like stature. Here’s hoping that he’s in pre-production on an OCEANS TWELVE follow-up where the gang is forced to return the $325 million in box office that they swindled from unsuspecting moviegoers everywhere with that turdfest they called a sequel.

· 80's flashback: Karate Kid's evil Cobra Kai Sensei Martin Kove @ Kokyo Sushi on Pico Friday night.

Later on that night, super hot Matthew St. Patrick (Keith on Six Feet Under) at a house party in Hollywood.

Saturday night, The Janitor from Scrubs grabbing a drink @ The Improv on Hollywood Blvd. Oh yeah, his name is Neil Flynn.

· I saw Bill Fagerbakke (aka Dauber from Coach, or Patrick the Starfish if you're into Spongebob) at the LUCHA VAVOOM event last Thursday at the Mayan. He's tall, Aryan, and really dorky in person. Did I mention tall? He's very tall. At the same event, I saw a very short David S Goyer (wrote Blade 1-3, etc) with his arm around some 30ish Hollywood blond, and one of the hosts of LUCHA VAVOOM was Spongebob himself, Tom Kenny (though I like him better as the Mayor on the Powerpuff Girls). It was a rad night.

· I swear I spotted Ian Ziering of 90210 fame on my America West flight from LAX to Puerto Vallarta last Thursday, although I could not confirm his identity because he wore sunglasses for the duration of the flight, even when entering and exiting the lav. Plus he looked way hotter than Steve Sanders ever did and behaved like a true gentleman, offering up his seat to a pregnant lady on the crowded bus that shuttled passengers from the tarmac to the gate. However, my suspicions were confirmed upon spotting an extra-large "IAN ZIERING" sign being held by a greeter/driver-type just after passing through customs. Subtle...

· As sightings go, this one is pretty lame unless you are a charter member of the Lifetime movie fan club. I saw Meredith Baxter Birney (just Baxter now?) in a white Lexus SC430 in front of Helen's Cycles on Broadway in Santa Monica. I couldn't tell if she was parking or just being a conscientious driver and pulling over to finish her cell phone call.

· I just had lunch at Nippon on Riverside in Toluca Lake. As I was finishing my lunch, who should walk in
and sit down at the sushi bar? None other than Jeffrey Nordling, the star of "Once and Again" and numerous sexual fantasies. The man is just plain HOT!!! I can't tell you how badly I wanted to run my fingers through his chest hair. The first thing he ordered was toro sashimi. The man knows his sushi. No california rolls for Jake.