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We hate keeping you in suspense, so it's time to present your responses to this week's game. Grab your parasol and go for one last afternoon stroll with One Alienated Blind Vice:

Ted sez: "Ol' Sahara still makes for a fine-lookin' gal, despite the fact that she's in that Hollywood-agent-no-no land of nearly past middle age. Crap, doesn't anybody remember that S.M. has done well at the box office and that she's not unfamiliar with being nominated for a Best Actress Oscar? Nope. Tinseltown powers that be are far busier wondering why Sahara hasn't had more work done to her puss and why the hell does she bother with all those independent films?" Read the item.

You say: Your guesses are after the jump.

You say: As longtime Blind Item Guessing Game participants are aware, The First Rule of Ted is that the wily gossipist always mentions the name of the item's answer elsewhere in his column. Many of you took the "alienated" in the vice's title, saw Casablanca's extremely sneaky parenthetical reference to the star of the Alien franchise, and guessed Sigourney Weaver. Nicely played, but Ted is toying with us. He admitted that he didn't even need to obscure the item's true identity, he was merely doing so for humanitarian purposes. If you found it too easy, well, you played right into his hands.

You say: But wait! Many also guessed Glenn Close, the only other middle-aged, Oscar-nominated actress mentioned in the column (or so we hear—do you actually think we read the whole thing?). Ah, the patented Ted Casablanca Seed of Doubt.™

You also say: Others receiving multiple guesses: Sharon Stone, Meryl Streep, Jennifer Tilly, Susan Sarandon, and Julianne Moore.

And The Andy Dick Memorial “You Also Say” Item Goes To: What this answer lacks in Dickness, it makes up for in unhinged-ness:

"It's Michael Jackson's right hand. Once a very famous hand, MJ's hand was one of the only parts of MJ's body not to have plastic surgery in the 90's. After its nomination for best actress in Casino (it threw the dice in a key scene, standing in for a female character), it became an independent entity due to some general weakening in Jacko's joints around 1997-98. Hence the 'indie' reference which was very shrewd from Casablanca. Shopping for some new kid gloves, the hand was brutally rejected, as described in the story, and had to check into hospital, followed by the rest of MJ's body, Brett Ratner's scrotum, and Andy Dick (who was not after the hand but the scrotum)."

Kids, please, lay off the junk.

Thanks for playing!