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Good news! Your local multiplex will remain open during the entire holiday weekend!

1. Constantine—$31 million
Join us tonight in watching in utter helplessness as Keanu Reeves, Hollywood's Most Unlikely Star™, furrows his brow like he's sounding out his lines phonetically in his head before finally delivering them. If you look closely enough, you can see his lips move before you actually hear the words. Cheering "Come on, Keanu, you can do it!" is entirely optional.

2. Hitch—$28 million
We're going to go on the record with this: Will Smith is absolutely fucking adorable. Why did it take movie studios (and America, really) so long to realize this? Someone's going to slap his face on a big-eared teddy bear and make millions.

3. Because of Winn Dixie—$10 million
We saw a commercial for this last night during The O.C.* and from what we could gather, it's a movie about how a dog that can smile saves the universe. Smiling dog=$10 million, regardless of its intergalactic heroism.

[*In 30 seconds, the dog outacted Mischa Barton.]

4. Son of the Mask—$7 million
Or: Cumming: Stick to the Splooge-Invoking Beauty Products

5. Million Dollar Baby—$6 million
Included only because an Oscar hopeful should be in the top five this close to the awards ceremony. Other than the smiling dog, that is.