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In our exhaustive effort to remember the real victims of Paris Hilton's Sidekick hacking, the people in her phone who suffered wave upon wave of prank phone call, we present this IMterview with Mike Sandwich, rock star, friend of Paris, and hacking survivor. Sandwich had the misfortune of being in Hilton's notebook under the not-nearly-cryptic enough entry "Mike sandwich met at esquire looking for bands 917 [redacted#]." We corralled Sandwich via Instant Messenger to record his thoughts on desperate voicemails, Paris' unslakeable thirst for publicity stunts, and hot, girl-on-skunk action:

Defamer: How did your number wind up in Paris Hilton's phonebook?
Mike Sandwich: She liked our band
Mike Sandwich: We met a couple of times
Mike Sandwich: First at a party out in the hamptons
Mike Sandwich: Then i met her again out in LA
Defamer: When did you figure out/hear that her phone got hacked?
Mike Sandwich: When i started getting a bunch of random calls from hopeless garage band guys
Mike Sandwich: Saying that they were friends with paris
Defamer: How many calls did you get?
Mike Sandwich: enough to annoy
Defamer: 50? 100?
Mike Sandwich: Id say close to 100

Mike Sandwich: Its retarded
Defamer: dDd anyone say anything interesting, or was it a lot of howling and asking if you'd ever nailed Paris?
Mike Sandwich: They all say
Mike Sandwich: On my voicemail mind you
Mike Sandwich: I dont answer the calls
Mike Sandwich: After the first five I knew something was up
Mike Sandwich: They all say
Mike Sandwich: Hey Mike Sandwich
 Mike Sandwich: Its ——— ———
Mike Sandwich: Im a big fan and paris thought i should call
Mike Sandwich: Its quite sad their level of desperation
Mike Sandwich: The other call is
Mike Sandwich: Hey Mike Sandwich
 Mike Sandwich: These are girls now
Mike Sandwich: Im friends with paris
Mike Sandwich: And in nyc for the weekend
Mike Sandwich: Wanted to see if you wanted to hang out
Mike Sandwich: Paris said that you were really cool etc
Defamer: Did you call any of them to see if you could turn this around and get laid?
Mike Sandwich: I dont need to call these girls for that
Mike Sandwich: I was going to call them all
Mike Sandwich: And tell them to meet me at the same place at the same time
Mike Sandwich: And video it from accross the street
Mike Sandwich: And see how long they would wait
Defamer: But you spared them?
Mike Sandwich: i decided that would be mean
Mike Sandwich: Not my style
Mike Sandwich: I wish them the best
Mike Sandwich: Maybe i will meet them sometime
Defamer: Did you change your number?
Mike Sandwich: Ive spoken to the phone co and theyre now forwarding all the calls to paris new number
Mike Sandwich: Let her deal with it
Mike Sandwich: I called paris about it
Mike Sandwich: And she thought it was hilarious
Mike Sandwich: But she eats this stuff up
Defamer: For some reason i would've thought she'd be totally unaware of the situation
Defamer: Like she'd throw her phone in the garbage and ignore it
Mike Sandwich: Lol
Defamer: So she's been enjoying all of her personal info winding up on the internet?
Mike Sandwich: I think this whole thing is one of her publicity stunts
Defamer: conspiracy!
Defamer: hmmm. it HAD been about fifteen minutes since the last bit of Paris news i'd heard...
Mike Sandwich: Shes getting kind of courtney loveish
Mike Sandwich: I dont know all of the details that were released i guess
Defamer: There were topless pics of her making out with another chick
Defamer: and snuggling with a baby skunk
Mike Sandwich: Nice
Mike Sandwich: A skunk?
Defamer: yup
Defamer: I'll send you the link [top row, third pic]
Defamer: So you're not surprised about any of this?
Mike Sandwich: I knew she was kinky
Mike Sandwich: But
Mike Sandwich: Interspecies?
Defamer: As Paris might say, that's hott
Mike Sandwich: She never did that when i was there
Mike Sandwich: Oh paris

[Transcript slightly edited to remove screen names and to make us seem somewhat coherent.]