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· We would never even think of exposing Paris Hilton's private e-mails to the public, even if they supposedly involve Lindsay Lohan outing Jessica Simpson's adventures in blow. Others, however, aren't nearly as ethical.
· Note to Paris: Pick a security question to which the answer is something other than"Tinkerbell." This probably precludes using "What's your nickname for your genitalia?", but such is the price of security.
· We cannot in any way endorse prank phone calls to those in Hilton's address book. Why not read our IMterview with one of the victims instead?
· Russell Crowe refused to show his prosthetic penis to the Queen. Paris could learn something from him.
· Man alive, does Paris talk to regular operators instead of diamond-encrusted ones when she flies? Perish the thought!