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Hey, the movie theaters were open this weekend! We were sure they'd all shutter their doors, but exhibitors defied all logic and continued to hawk their wares for all the non-gays that weren't watching the Oscars.

1. Diary of a Mad Black Woman—$22.7 million
We've never been afraid to say that we were wrong, but wow, we were wrong. We would blame it on our incredibly severe hangover, but we weren't hungover on Friday (well, not much, and certainly not like today). Maybe we staggered over to the computer last night and drunkenly changed our predictions. Yeah, we'll go with that one.

2. Hitch—$21 million
The So Fucking Adorable Will Smith doesn't know what hit him. Second place smells a little bit like failure.

3. Constantine—$11.8 million
There's a technical term for a movie like Constantine, which opened strong but took a huge dive in its second weekend: pump and dump. Wow, this one dumped so badly that someone should consider strapping an adult diaper on Keanu Reeves.

4. Cursed—$9.6 million
It's nice to finally see a crappy horror movie that doesn't open with $30 million.

5. Man of the House—$9 million
We don't have the energy to expend on this one.