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Here's a story we just can't get excited about: Denise Richards is divorcing Charlie Sheen. (Does this smell like a preemptive publicity strike to anyone else?) After the water-tower-full-of-napalm that was the Pitt-Aniston split (and subsequent mindfucking of the public), this celebrity decoupling is hardly a fart in the bathtub of matrimonial disintegration.

Of course, there is the somewhat intriguing twist that Richards is six months pregnant with their second child, but unless she's serving as a surrogate for one of Sheen's former Fleiss girls, or getting set to give birth to a baby made entirely of cocaine, eh. Wake us up the next time Brad and Jen are seen whispering to each other in public.