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Our weekend box office predictions, in which we show superhuman restraint in avoiding puns on "cool."

1. Be Cool—$23 million
The last time John Travolta was cool was in Tarantino's backyard in Pulp Fiction, surprising us with his unexpected girth while being sprayed from a garden hose. Since then, he's tried to distract us from being hypnotized by his painfully uncool, bloated noggin by covering it with a variety of police, fire-fighter, and military caps. Yes, we're probably going to see it, and almost definitely going to be disappointed.

2. The Pacifier—$16 million
You know that this movie's going to be fun for all ages—look at what a great time Vin Diesel had at the premiere! Naw, you da duck, Gary!

3. Hitch—$14 million
We hate to revisit this material so quickly, but Will Smith will surrender his title as the Most Adorable Thing On Earth to any living thing that Vin Diesel points at. Someone sign up that duck for a three-picture deal!

4. Diary of a Mad Black Woman—$13 million
Then again, we wouldn't be totally surprised if it made $50 million this weekend—we understand that the guy who made this movie is a genius billionaire that white folks have never heard of.

5. Million Dollar Baby—$9 million
If you haven't seen it by now, we're going to once again spoil the entire thing for you: Clint Eastwood's grizzled, faith-testing boxing trainer is Jesus.