This image was lost some time after publication.

Query Letters I Love, the blog that anonymously posts the ill-conceived pitch letters of the unhinged for all to see, presents a screenplay we'd like to see get made (although it's possible we've been blinded the brilliance of the title):

"I am contacting you regarding potential representation of my screenplay 'The Fartiste.' Logline: The true story of Joseph Pujol, the most popular performer in 1890s Paris: can a man with a musical ass hope to be taken seriously as an artist?
On several occasions, Johnny Depp has expressed an interest in playing Pujol (see Playboy Interview) — but I believe that this tragicomic role would appeal to several big-name actors."

Sure, Johnny Depp would bring the project immediate artistic credibility, but this really feels like it's in Vin Diesel's part to lose. Maybe we could even reteam him with his red-hot Pacifier co-star, and squeeze in a recurring "Hey, who stepped on a duck?" gag. You know, in a classy, French way.