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· Proof that Marquee is the 5th ring of the inferno: Ashlee Simpson shares a banquette with her family while simultaneously making out with a member of her band (d'ya think Daddy watched?), Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore canoodle near Chelsea Clinton, and Mario Vazquez stalks Jessica Simpson for a photo-op. [Page Six]
· Securities lawyer Ted Farris (writing under the last name Morgan) has a new book proclaiming Donald Trump is a lowlife. His source is Kate Bohner, but Bohner issues denials. Something else might've happened, but then we fell asleep. Oh, wait, Lloyd is back in the office! [Lowdown]
· R. Kelly's the victim — no, wait, Jay Z's the victim. Or is "Ty-Ty" the victim? Where the fuck are we? [Page Six]
· Everyone hates Andrew Lloyd Webber. [R&M]