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We here at Gawker love reader submissions: there's nothing more fun than opening the virtual mailbag and finding all sorts of crazy, fantastic ideas and links that we might've missed.

But, sadly, sometimes people pitch us things the wrong way. To rectify this, we're beginning a series of 'How Not To's to make your Gawker-pitching experience more fun—and functional—for all of us. Here are the first two:

1) Please do not address your email "Dear Bitch."

2) Please do not tell us about a "funny top ten about the Letterman baby snatch;" there is no such thing.

Thank you.

[Shining cap via Retro Crush]