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Many of you have expressed disappointment that there was no Blind Item Guessing Game today. We apologize for today's blind-item-free buzzkill, but we were forced to skip it this week because of a server crash this morning and an e-mail crash early in the afternoon. (For those of you without the luxury of the "virtual office" we enjoy, a rough analogue would be your cubicle collapsing, leaving you buried alive under an avalanche of Beanie Babies for hours.) Instead, let's all take a moment from our busy days to meditate on this marvel of linguistic invention pulled from today's Ted Casablanca blind item:

Local lass busted in that she had him first—but then, quicker than you could say, Put an umbrella on that pig-in-a-blanket, yet another woman chimed in how she made nooky galore with the gorgeous guy before any of 'em!

We sincerely mean it when we say that we have absolutely no fucking idea what any of that means. However, we're pretty sure we can feel our brain smoothing out ever so slightly from reading those randomly-arranged words.

The BIGG will return next week!