PoweR Girls: Hamptons White Trash-Free Edition
David: Man, that episode of PoweR Girls was old.
Audience: How old was it?
David: So old, it was filmed when Paris ego wasn t the only thing bruised. Zing!
[Laughter, applause, roll commercial with someone singing about diarrhea.]
After the jump, Special Correspondent David Klein's weekly review of PoweR Girls, Lizzie Grubman's white trash-destroying vehicle of terror.
Honestly, how can we take a show that airs a new episode in March seriously when it features Paris Hilton and wifebeater (not in the Ryan from The OC sense) Nick Carter back when they were bumpin uglies (not in the Rick Solomon from One Night In Paris sense)?
Eight months after the fact, Lizzie and her four Grubers (trademark pending) plan Puffy s Independence Day fiesta, the wildest all-white party since David Duke s President s Day clam bake. Lizzie proclaims, If you re not invited, you re a nobody, but we all know that s not true. Tim Allen wasn t there, and he once played Joe Somebody.
Unlike the series premiere, this episode of PoweR Girls actually tries to add a second dimension to the Grubers personalities. Well maybe for just for one of them. But that s a start.
Kelly B s fianc e is in town and Lizzie is all up in a tizzy because she s afraid Kel will be taken to the candy shop instead of working at the par-tay. Let s get one thing straight, making sure Ashanti has a spot to rest her cute little tush is not work. But making snide remarks about it, that s a whole different ball game.
Of course, Lizzie s pissed, spouting nasty remarks like, When boyfriends are aroused, it s really really hard. Actually, my intern Andy informs me that she said around not aroused, but give me a break, I m drunk.
It turns out Lizzie has nothing to worry about. Kelly, it seems, is more infatuated with spotting Paris Hilton than visiting her hubby-to-be. Congrats Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. You are no longer MTV s most hopeless couple.
Things start to get somewhat kinda interesting when a website describes Kelly as creepy as she leers creepily in the background of a photo featuring Paris and her Backstreet Boy. Lizzie attempts to console the weepy Gruber, explaining, Everyday I open the paper and people write bad things about me. Come on Lizzie, that s not — oh, well Nevermind.
So yeah, the party went great and the other three girls make some comments about what went down, but at this point in the show I m totally not paying attention because intern Andy s not back with my pals Jameson and Bailey and I m McJonesin for a car bomb.
Actually, what I m really looking forward to is the rumored Ronn Torrosian reality series set to air on public access channel 35. Who better to replace penniless Al Goldstein s Midnight Blue than a bum in every other sense of the word? Now that s hot.
