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Jessica Alba continues to torture us through prudish headlines, but far more disturbing is the larger trend of actresses portraying exotic dancers while eschewing the nudity required for stripper-verisimilitude. Sure, we put up with Natalie Portman's coy refusal to show even a single nipple in Closer, but she's a "serious actress." Seemingly every other female in Sin City either paraded around topless or in revealing bondage gear, so why must she buck the system and lose the career points? This was her freebie, where she could've said "it made sense for the role" with a straight face.

Jesus, we need a vacation. We're starting to sound like an agent.