This image was lost some time after publication.

We at Defamer realize that readers from less geographically-desirable locales often stumble upon this site, hungry for a glimpse of the ludicrously glamorous lives that every single resident of Los Angeles leads. Even at the relatively downmarket Defamer HQ, we can barely make it to the refrigerator without tripping over an Oscar nominee who's popped in for a snack! A reader submits a tale of a totally typical night of dining here in the greater Hollywood area, allowing gawkers to get a feel of what life is like in the celebrity fishbowl, where every meal is a cornucopia of elbow-rubbing with beings from all wavelengths of the fame spectrum—young and old, differently-abled and upright, obscure and world-renowned.

I offer you up April 11th: Larry Flynt is wheeled through the bar like a flaming dessert (but for the purpose of this analogy we'll call him the "Oysters on the Half Shell' appetizer). One of my male companions goes,"'That guy took my teens." I think I know what he means...at least I hope I do.

The main course was "Wild King Salmon" (Leslie Nielsen, looking reeeeeeeaaaaallly old, but with a gorgeous, age-appropriate female companion) stuffed with Foie Gras (Jeff Fahey of Lawnmower Man uh, 'fame') and "White Truffle Reduction" (Jeff Fahey introducing himself to Leslie Nielsen by repeating his name and then getting up to shake bewildered Leslie's hand.) You think you're sated don't you? There may be room for pudding, but a whole dessert? How about Jack Black getting into the elevator (the oft-recommended Roasted Pineapple Rugalach Tart), expertly turning his introspective stare into a wacky Hey Kids! grin in reply to the witty observation "'Look, it's Jack Black!" There it is folks, a starry night of gnawing at the Four.

Please ignore the fact that this all occurred at the Four Seasons—this kind of thing happens everywhere, and all the time. Last night, we dined at Quizno's, and we're pretty sure that Jason Priestly expertly cleaved our sub in twain, while Melanie Griffith happily rang us up at the register.