This image was lost some time after publication.

We're very, very disappointed that Natasha Lyonne failed to show up on time for a Monday court appearance, resulting in an arrest warrant and a flurry of news stories reminding us how she allegedly "banged on the door of her neighbor, stormed into the apartment and ripped a mirror from the wall," and then supposedly, poetically said, "I'm going to sexually molest your dog." We'd always assumed that if a situation arose where a second-tier American Pie kid was engaging in this sort of questionable, newsmaking behavior (with optional dog-diddling threats), it would involve Tara Reid, a Spider Club bathroom stall, and a baker's dozen of Red Bull and vodka cocktails.