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The Monday morning numbers that alleviate, however briefly, your post-weekend shakes:

1. The Interpreter—$22.8 million
The brief box office reign of terror imposed by Ryan Reynolds' rippling horror-abs has been broken by the tragic-backstory-laden, furrowed brow of Sean Penn. Never underestimate the power of a good, hetero man-cry to bring out the "mature" audience that's not necessarily enthused to shell out for a B-lister shirtlessly chopping wood while in the thrall of a demon; people who consider themselves "smart" prefer the metaphorical demons, even if they're a little obvious, hacky, and tearlessly weeped out by America's Finest Actor.

2. The Amityville Horror—$14.2 million
We probably still have a couple of more weeks of creepily fixating on the abs, so we're going to pace ourselves a little bit and not mention them again. At least until lunch.

3. Sahara—$9 million
We weren't kidding when we said that Matthew McConaughey is a great name to yodel. Try it now. Your coworkers will likely join you, your caterwauling voices forming a joyful cubicle chorus that could melt away the pain of the dreariest of Monday mornings. Did we mention that we were out of Coffee Mate this morning, and that bourbon is a fine substitute? Well, it is.

4. A Lot Like Love—$7.7 million
Will Ashton Kutcher's box office failure curtail his film career? No, probably not. The universe is way too cruel a place for things to be that easy.

5. Kung Fu Hustle—$7.3 million
Nobody ever listens to us, but that's not going to stop us from making beautiful love to this movie. It took a small gang of ushers armed with a firehose and a crowbar to finally pry us from our seat in the theater. Oh, our starcross'd love of hybrid chopsocky flicks!