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The numbers that give your Monday morning some meaning:

1. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy—$21.7 million
We plunked down our own moviegoing dollars (when we say we're there in an armchair, we're not fucking around, OK?) and Hitchhiker was perfectly funny, original, whimsical, and nice. And it somewhat obliged the studios by not bombing, nor becoming the early summer blockbuster that would shake the business out of its funk. Isn't that nice? Yes, perfectly nice.

2. The Interpreter—$14.2 million
The Interpreter continues to prove that America will turn out to see a more or less entertaining thriller that's a timely examination of current political issues, but still afraid to set a story of terrorism anywhere near the Middle East. Sure, they'll blow up a bus, but they'll blow it up in a way that's not going to make anyone scared to ride a bus, knowing that upstarts from a fictional African nation aren't likely to copycat the act. Wait, is the Sudan a fictional nation? Oh, yeah, of course it is. Nevermind, we're still not scared.

3. XXX: State of the Union—$13.7 million
Ah, do you smell that? Yes, it's the unmistakable stench of the first bomb of the summer. And it's barely May! Guess Ice Cube isn't the action draw Sony thought he was. Expect him to emulate another certain star who's not opening his movies like he used to by entering into a very public relationship with James Van Der Beek.

4. The Amityville Horror—$8.1 million
Put yourself in our position. A truly awful, pointless remake makes decent money and then hangs around for a few weeks, forcing us to comment on the banality of its cynical studio evil over and over again. But this time, we offer a new thought, one that has nothing to do with rock-hard, constantly exploited abs: at least Dakota Fanning was smart enough to sit this one out.

5. Sahara—$6 million
See above re: bad movies and Dakota Fanning. The sentiment still holds, but we can't get as whooped up about McConaughey, who has occasionally been entertaining in a movie.