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An item in today's Page Six (which has finally been rescued from registration jail, for now) should set off a fresh tremor of panic at Sony, where executives watch helplessly as the star of their biggest franchise—now more Flabby-Godzilla than Spider-Man—continues to terrorize casino patrons with his unexpected girth:

Tubby Toby [sic]
JESSICA Alba (above) and her pals were hanging out at the Coldplay concert at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas the other night when Toby [sic] Maguire, who looks a lot bigger than he did in "Spider-Man" or "Seabiscuit," approached. The two exchanged pleasantries. But after the lardy leading man left, Alba said to one girlfriend, "He's [bleep]ing huge!" — sending both of them into hysterical laughter.

How many more starlets must Maguire appall before Sony finally takes action? To paraphrase his super alter-ego, "With great power comes the great ability to flip off your studio babysitters until the first call sheet arrives. You don't like it? Call my fucking agent."