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Please enjoy the numbers that make your Monday morning seem a like it's something a little less daunting than the first leg of a five-day barefoot run through a cactus patch.

1. Kingdom of Heaven—$20 million
That $20 million might have the faint whiff of a bomb (though it's no XXX: State of the Union), but the international audience seemed a lot more accepting of Orlando "Don't call me an elf" Bloom than we were, as it did $56 million overseas. Eh, who cares about domestic box office anymore when studios can foist our nancy-boy epics on the rest of the world?

2. House of Wax—$12.2 million
So now that Paris Hilton is dead, what are we going to do with the rest of our lives? We thought about joining the Peace Corps, but they might send us somewhere where our subscription to InTouch arrives unacceptably late.

3. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy—$9.1 million
In a related story, we finally got around to watching Shaun of the Dead this weekend, and found it quite lovely.

4. Crash—$9.1 million
On Friday, we said, "What happens when the writer of Million Dollar Baby has no filter between his heavy-handedness and what winds up on screen? We'll let you know if we get around to seeing it."

We didn't get around to seeing it. But we'll get to it eventually, if for no other reason than to try and decode the secret Scientology messages peppered throughout. (Writer/director Paul Haggis is part of L. Ron's posse.)

5. The Interpreter—$7.5 million
Now that director Sydney Pollack has used his camera to make beautiful love to the United Nations, he'll shift his fickle affections to the International Court of Justice at the Hague for The Interpreter II: The International Language. It's the story of a judge who finds himself falling in love with the war criminal he's trying, but things get complicated (isn't that always the way with love?) when he discovers that he also has feelings for the comely translator who's facilitating his taboo romance. Look for it in theaters in the fall of 2006.