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Despite our crushing apathy (picture a decommissioned battleship resting atop of our chest, if you need the visual) regarding the news that Renee Zellweger secretly married a country music personage we'd never even heard of, it's no less annoying to roll over in the morning and nudge a pile of twigs and a black cowboy hat. The rumors are already flying, and one reader pointed out this passage in the NY Post that contains a possible clue to unlocking the secrets of the shock-nuptials:

The star and her new hubby, 37, laughed and wept as they exchanged traditional vows during the 15-minute ceremony on Chesney's St. John property. A female preacher presided over the touching nuptials, which wound up being an exclusive affair before 45 family and friends in the tiny Chocolate Hole region of the island's west coast. [emphasis ours]

They tied the knot in Chocolate Hole, eh? Obviously, this was the busy season on St. John's, and the island's famed Beard Bluff, overlooking the picturesque Publicity Stunt Cove, couldn't be reserved on such short notice.