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You might think that it's far too early in the great online B-list circle jerk known as The Huffington Post to single out individual contributors and entries for special acclaim. But you would, of course, be wrong: The sheer magnitude of thoughtless self-infatuation on display every moment on the Huffa-lator is simultaneously so exhilarating and so spiritually toxic that, based on a solid 15 minutes of copious online research, we proudly announce the Huffalumps, in recognition of a corpus of so vast and so fatuous that it may one day render Gawker utterly redundant. After the jump, the awards. MnG

Most hallucinatory non sequitur
Quincy Jones on Michael Jackson's decline and fall: Cause being God's job, manifestation clearly being our job. The moment success leads you to say, 'I'll take it from here, God,' God's reply will be, 'Be my guest.' And God will walk out of the room.

Dude, that wasn't God-that was Tito.


Most unintentionally hilarious hed
Abe Foxman Responds to Hip Hop Impresario. (Missing subhed: One word reply is Snap! )


Best rhetorical question
Ultra-earnest former MASH producer Larry Gelbart ponders the State of the Union: How long will our Cheerleader-in-Chief, the bully in our pulpit, continue to infect us with his raging terrornoia? Uh, that would be, let's see, three years and nine months, Lar. Also, do not coin words like terrornoia if you ever want to land a real job ag. . . Oh. Yes. That's right. Never mind.


Best mixed-message packaging
Democracy in the Electronic Wasteland: "Is it a post-modern nightmare or Dante's Inferno?"

Read whole post.

Sort of like a Chinese menu where Column A is mealworms and Column B is broken glass, no?


Best lede designed to lose both ideological tendencies at once
Film twit Adam McKay: I recently went to the Talladega 500 race in Alabama for a film scout. For those of you who aren't familiar, it's one of the biggest events in the NASCAR season. They call it 'redneck mardi gras.'"

They also call people who describe it as such douchebags.


Most cogent presentation of a ridiculously foreshortened view of the nation's politics (in an unoriginal screenplay spoof):
Danielle Crittenden, daring to imagine d tente between Powertown and Tinseltown :

YOUNG MAN It's, well-I probably shouldn't say this but we Republicans too often take a stereotypical view of Hollywood liberals.

MOGUL How so?

YOUNG MAN I guess we see them as unpatriotic, Jesus-hating environmental hypocrites who are subverting the culture and are completely out of touch with mainstream America.

The mogul snorts.

For once, the mogul speaks for us all.


Best outright lie
Walter Cronkite: I've got some other exceedingly interesting pieces up my sleeve, like a proposal that the Democratic Party organize a convention this year to debate and resolve a platform that would provide the confused electorate some idea of what the party stands for.

We have nothing to add.