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Bet your assistant's kidneys on the following box office predictions:

1. Kicking & Screaming—$25 million
Adorable kids, an even more adorable star in a tiger-striped running suit, a chance for everyone to learn that winning isn't everything, and ample opportunities for Will Ferrell to be struck in the testicles with a wayward soccer ball—there is absolutely no chance that this movie will fail.

2. Monster In Law—$19 million
A screen legend making an ill-advised choice for a comeback vehicle, an incredibly overexposed crossover star who's exhausted the public's goodwill, a vacant pretty boy who was dumped by the fiancée of his co-star's ex-fiancé, another story about horrible in-laws—there is absolutely no chance we're seeing this movie.

3. Kingdom of Heaven—$12 million
No matter what happens this weekend, Orlando "The Prettiest Crusader" Bloom can sleep soundly at night, secure in the knowledge that not even a box office disappointment can take away his perfect bone structure and boyish good looks.

4. Unleashed—$10 million
Is Kung Fu Hustle still out? Do us a solid and go see that instead.

5. Crash—$6 million
Paul Haggis has spent the last two weeks circling some of LA's most blighted neighborhoods in a very expensive sports car, hoping that another carjacker will deliver him the material for a possible sequel.