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Another Monday, another morning of J.Lo-induced suicidal ideation:

1. Monster-In-Law —$24 million
"J.Lo vs. J. Fo" seems to have tapped into the same collective anxiety that made Meet the Fockers the highest grossing live-action comedy of all time. Look for the studios to try to take this trend to the proverbial "next level," i.e., a summer blockbuster in which an armada of spaceships the size of San Diego threatens to drop comically exaggerated in-laws onto a variety of US landmarks. (Will Smith to star.)

2. Kicking & Screaming—$21 million
The Monday morning numbers don't lie: Will Ferrell in an elf suit ($31 million) or a leisure suit ($28 million) beats him in a track suit covered in clingy rugrats. And for additional perspective, Vin Diesel and a duck did $30 million in their opening weekend.

3. Unleashed—$10.6 million
We remember being really impressed with Jet Li while he was kicking Mel Gibson's ass in Lethal Weapon 4. Then we remember seeing something shiny and became so distracted that we haven't seen another Li movie in 7 years.

4. Kingdom of Heaven—$9.6 million
A friend of ours who plunked down his ten bucks pretty much has this one figured out: "Orlando Bloom is too skinny to be swinging around that big sword."

5. Crash—$7.2 million
An imaginary friend of ours probably has this one figured out: "Paul Haggis is too heavy-handed to swing around that big race parable. I really hope no one else carjacks him."