This image was lost some time after publication.

Finding a dearth of red carpets on which to grab his new ladylove by the neck and send his tongue drilling for uvula as photographers obligingly snap away, Tom Cruise is shifting the focus of his publicity campaign/relationship back to where it might gain more traction. He's now offering teaser-friendly soundbites celebrating the virtues of his new associate:

MTV News: "[Stepping out with her publicly is] saying, 'I want to share my life with this woman; this woman is exceptional, she is special, she is extraordinary and I have great respect for her.' And it's saying, 'I got nothing to hide. I'm happy.' I'm happy, man ... she is something else."

In an Access Hollywood interview airing Monday : ""I love this woman," said Cruise. "She's magnificent."... "We go scuba diving together," he said. "She likes all the stuff that I love to do, she's funny and smart. I was looking at her (like), 'man you are so cool.'"

The Cruise-Holmes PR machine really hopes that this leg of the campaign is more effective than the initial one, but they've got a contingency plan should this latest round be met with the same skepticism. Should the press not finally buy in, Cruise and Holmes will dive through a thirty-foot vagina labeled "Real Love" at the end of the War of the Worlds red carpet, as fireworks explode overhead and a chorus of choirboys lilt Handel's Messiah. And if that doesn't work, well, they've already cleverly laid the groundwork for a scuba diving accident.

Also: If you follow this link to the story of Big Red, Scary Hollywood lawyer Bert Field will send you a strongly-worded letter.