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Why barbecue when you can fill Hollywood's pockets with your disposable income?

1. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith —$81 million
Should ROTS fail to break every possible box office record this weekend, George Lucas is expected to lobby George Bush (strange bedfellows, indeed, but records are at stake!) to institute a compulsory Star Wars viewing program, requiring each American family to buy at least four tickets over the coming week.

2. The Longest Yard—$44 million
You're under 25, you've seen ROTS four times already, you find lighting your farts (which is, admittedly, fucking hilarious) the height of comedy: You're turning out for Adam Sandler this weekend.

3. Madagascar—$39 million
Parents concerned about shielding small children from adult concerns would probably be better served by avoiding the CGI wilderness and dragging the kids through two-and-a-half hours of George Lucas' spit-shined, sexless future inexplicably futuristic-seeming past*, where babies are conceived by magic and where bodily functions were genetically engineered out centuries ago.

4. Monster-in-Law—$9 million
Not on our holiday weekend, OK?

5. Kicking & Screaming—$6 million
We're kind of anxious for Will Ferrell to get back to the important business of wearing funny facial hair or making Ben Stiller and Owen "The Butterscotch Stallion" Wilson engage in acts of homosexually-tinged, dragon-related humiliation.

*Yes, we've been reminded that it's "a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away." Why aren't you all on vacation?