Monday Morning Box Office: The Brad And Angelina Show Triumphs
Like a restorative splash of vodka in your Monday morning coffee, the box office numbers:
1. Mr. and Mrs. Smith—$51.05 million
The moviegoing public has set a price for Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's genitals. Sure, there was a movie that had good enough buzz incorporated into the price, but who needs the actual "film part"? People were shelling out for the communal experience of deconstructing each frame for signs that two of the world's biggest stars were screwing despite expertly-crafted publicist denials. And thus a new summer blockbuster promotional paradigm is born; leaked photographs of an intimate African vacation shared by co-stars (complete with adorable tyke, so you don't scare off the family-values crowd) is the new Happy Meal tie-in.
2. Madagascar—$17.1 million
As the DreamWorks Animation family flick begins its slow march toward the DVD shelf, expect a flurry of tabloid accounts that David Schwimmer's giraffe was caught awkwardly humping Ben Stiller's lion.
3. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith—$14.9 million
George Lucas' Star Wars universe has always been an oasis from the filthy realities of human sexuality. We're pretty sure that Anakin Skywalker doesn't even have genitals. (Light saber accident.)
4. The Longest Yard—$13.5 million
Paramount's efforts to generate some off-screen heat between Chris Rock and Burt Reynolds failed miserably, as the two actors enjoyed virtually no sexual chemistry.
5. The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D—$12.5 million
Hey, this is a kid's movie. Let's not inappropriately sexualize child actors just to get a quick hit of box office crack.
