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Any morning Cruise round-up worth its Sea Org salt must begin with Banterist's Cruise-inspired Xbox controller. What, no "disparage psychiatric pseudo-science" button? That must be mapped to one of the unseen trigger buttons underneath.
· What's it like to travel around the world on the WOTW tour with Cruise? One brave reporter finds out.
· What's it like to be trapped in an elevator with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes at last night's BET Awards? One brave reader reports:

Tuesday night, Kodak Theatre, BET Awards, elevator- I'm in the elevator, trying to go down one floor, and right before the doors close this woman runs up with a "hold the elevator, hold the elevator," and then who steps on but Tom and Katie and various hangers-ons. Yes, Tom Cruise was at the BET Awards- he presented the award to Jamie Foxx (who wasn't even there to accept) for best actor.

So Tom holds the elevator up even furthur cause he's doing this obnoxious fake smiley oh look at how nice I am "now, you have a good summer. No- *you* have a good summer" bit, complete with finger point, with someone standing out in the hall who I didn't see who wasn't even getting on the elevator.

Katie did that huge smile, hanging onto Tom's back, hugging thing that we've all seen in all the publicity photos, cause you know I might have doubted the power of their love if she didn't hang onto his back and hug and smile.

One of the females in their entourage is showing TomKat photos from 'last night' and TomKat are gushing about who looks better in which photo and the great color of the bike (I think 'last night' was the
War of the Worlds premiere).

When we got off the elevator Katie's still clinging to Tom's back, and they get off the elevator first of course, which gives me a great view of the back of her dress, which is unzipped. I thought about saying something. But I didn't. I mean, doesn't she have people to tell her about these kinds of things?

I also had the urge to go "oh my God, it's Tom Cruise! I don't have any paper, but could you autograph my bottle of Zoloft?" But I didn't do that either. So anyway, that is the story of my first TomKat sighting, and now that I have seen them I feel I must spread the word of their it's real, no it's not a publicity stunt, love.

· Googlism creates surprisingly moving Cruise-Holmes poetry. Rosie O'Donnell makes surprisingly horrifying Cruise collages.

· And if you were wondering what that suspicious e-mail we alluded to yesterday was all about, it's been posted elsewhere. Let's just say that when weeks-old rumors suddenly appear in mass-email form, they don't gain credibility. Everyone should now feel free to stop forwarding it to us now, because we can't get "Smooth" out of our heads.