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Wherein we invite our readers to fire their arrows at the unprotected ankles of the weekly blind items that humpy E! gossip god Ted Casablanca renders invulnerable by careful dipping in the Styx of Incomprehensibility. This week, a two-fer, as Ted uncorks on both a closeted actor and a kinky musician. Luxuriate in the scented bubbles of Two Squishy Blind Vices:

Ted sez: "Rocko Turbo is as hairy and horny as Croon Whitebread is celebrated and banal. Former's in the movie biz, latter often steals Grammy attention from those who really deserve it. Which, of course, is why I'm reporting (albeit in a thinly veiled way) his crimes. Rocko first. Now, this often professionally unsung dude is so openly known to cheat on his partner with other dudes it's a friggin' wonder I'm covering up for his droopy ass in my column. It's just that I find outing so unappetizing. So gauche. So none of my biz." Read the item.

You say: Send your guesses to defamer[AT]gmail.com and put "blind" in the subject line. We'll post your responses later today. Your guesses are posted!