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Spend the next five work days locked in the conference room, killing time until the sweet release of Friday, when you can again give yourself over to the enthusiastic consumption of Hollywood product. Your Monday morning box office numbers:

1. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory—$28.3 million
Charlie stayed on top, but we're quite disappointed that headline writers failed to embrace the lascivious promise of last Monday's “Depp’s ‘Chocolate Factory’ has tasty opening.” The best we could turn up with a very (read: very) cursory search was, "Willy Wonka still holds sweet spot," which admittedly requires a very liberal interpretation of "sweet spot" to titillate. We never should've allowed ourselves to lose an entire weekend hoping that the wire services would deliver a treat like "Moviegoers Lose Car Keys In Wonka's Fudge Tunnel."

2. Wedding Crashers—$26.2 million
Our quick calculations (read: we ran out of fingers and toes, then invited over a couple of friends to take off their shoes) indicate that Wedding Crashers should gross $135 million at the domestic box office, then go on to gross $922 million on DVD.

3. Fantastic Four—$12.3 million
The FF's return to THIRD place is, quite frankly, nothing short of a nightmare. Why does God hate us so much?

4.The Island—$12.1 million
In a word: wow. In another: bomb. When we projected that The Island would open to about $27 million, we had a feeling we might be in for a letdown. But this? Some might speculate that a poor promotional campaign was to blame, others might point to the absence of hitmaking producing buddy Jerry Bruckheimer. But we think it's karmic payback for Bay's recent bout of hubris in the LAT: "You know, I've never had a flop." Oh, how these silly mortals call down the lightning bolts of the box office gods! Hopefully, Bay's learned a lesson, and won't go popping off to Motor Trend about how he's never driven his Ferrari into a gorge off Mulholland Drive.

5. The Bad News Bears—$11.5 million
Ah, there's that Paramount golden touch with remakes!