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• Britney Spears' plaything, the inimitable K-Fed, skips the first birthday party of his son with Shar Jackson, little Kaleb. Considering he left Jackson while she was pregnant with the young boy, this really shouldn't be surprising. Besides, he was busy fetching Britney's Frappucinos, yo. [Page Six]
• Is Katie Holmes' recent face rash a result of Scientology detoxification procedures involving niacin? Are they stress-related cold sores? Or, as we suspect, are they simply the side effects of Dawson's herpex simplex? [Lowdown]
• Speculation ensues as to whether or not maligned actress Sienna Miller is still engaged to her cheating fiancé Jude Law. For the sake of a genetically perfect spawn (a dream dashed by the Pitt-Aniston breakup), we hope they can stupidly work things out. [Scoop]
• Recently convicted perjurer Lil' Kim lies outside of the courtroom, shaving a couple of years off her age. [Gatecrasher (3rd item)]
• Christian Slater hits the turntables with Maggie Gyllenhaal, manages not to grab her ass. [R&M (3rd item)]