Subway Bag Checks: An Absurdist Play in One Act
Nick Paumgarten lands what seems like The New Yorker's most boring reporting assignment ever, eavesdropping on cops and passengers on the first morning of subway bag checks:
"Morning, sir, how you doing?"
"What's up, doc?"
"I don't want to be filmed."
"She doesn't want to be filmed."
"I don't want to be filmed."
"Ah, a man who digs Bruce Lee. All right!"
"Thank you."
"Enjoy the rest of the day."
"Any goodies in here? How you doing?"
"So far, so good. I'm not planning to blow myself to kingdom come."
"What's this?"
"That's my son's birthday present. He turns twenty-one in two days. And that's my schlep bag."
"Tell your son Happy Birthday. Hi, could you unzippa the bag, please."
"Sir, how do you feel about your bag being checked?"
"Great."
"Please use the escalator to exit."
And that's just an excerpt.
