Our apologies for depriving you of your God-given right to blind items; we'll never break your heart again. Give us a hug and feast on the following:

• Which magazine editor nicknamed "the human speed bump" for his ponderous style is moving to L.A. to work for a TV channel? The married exec won't be missed by the co-worker who was horrified one Valentine's Day to receive a dozen roses with the message "Will you be my Valentine?"

• Which closeted leading man is smitten with a very hunky but sadly straight production assistant on the set of his new movie? The star keeps meeting the poor aide at the door of his trailer dressed only in a small towel and visibly aroused.

You know the routine by heart: Send us your best guesses and, at the end of the day, we'll publish your genius and call our lawyers.

Just Asking [Page Six]