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Welcome to another Monday morning. Please stop sobbing quietly into your cup of coffee long enough to look over this weekend's box office numbers.

1. The Dukes of Hazzard—$30.6 million
We like seeing remake-y crap (you know, in the name of research) in the summer as much as the next guy, but not even the promise of sneaking a peak at the intersection of Jessica Simpson's buttocks and thighs, or of watching the Duke boys sublimate their mutual attraction by hooting and fishtailing the General Lee, was enough to inspire an ironic ticket buy. ("Dude, I went to see The Dukes today." "Did it suck?" "Kind of!" "Sweet. I'm seeing it tomorrow.") Looks like they didn't need our money.

2. Wedding Crashers—$16.5 million
The sequel (has any comedy juggernaut from the last five years been left unmolested?) is really going to hurt, even if they try to keep it real by having Vaughn and Wilson crash funerals. Enjoy your memories now, before they're erased by whatever comes next.

3. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory—$10.6 million
In lieu of another filthy chocolate pun, here's how much money Charlie's taken in so far: $169,023,000.

4. Sky High—$9 million
This movie is so far below our radar that we don't even know if they've made the crappy toys yet.

5. Must Love Dogs—$7.4 million
...but the penguins are looming menacingly in the rearview mirror with $6.9 million*. Hope is still alive.

[*The AP has MOTP at $6.9 million, while Box Office Mojo and Variety quote $7.1.]