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We are so, so sorry to have kept you waiting an entire, interminable weekend for the results of last week s blind item guessing game — alas, our server crapped its pants yet again, leaving us with no means of relaying this important communication in a timely matter. Our Hungarian tech serfs will be properly beaten for this egregious misstep.

Anyhow, moving on. We asked:

Which magazine editor nicknamed the human speed bump for his ponderous style is moving to L.A. to work for a TV channel? The married exec won t be missed by the co-worker who was horrified one Valentine s Day to receive a dozen roses with the message Will you be my Valentine?

Which closeted leading man is smitten with a very hunky but sadly straight production assistant on the set of his new movie? The star keeps meeting the poor aide at the door of his trailer dressed only in a small towel and visibly aroused.

Your brilliant guesses after the jump.

"The human speed bump" Magazine Man:
 Overwhelmingly, you all guessed Time Inc. s assistant managing editor Albert Kim. Well done, grasshoppers: On August 3, Keith Kelly reported that Kim was leaving Time to work as a news director on a new show called ESPN Hollywood. One of you also noted that Kim is notoriously slow around the office. Another reader added, The deeper question is why this is an item and if it weren t a blind item, would anyone care? We suppose sometimes you all just like your veils thin. Other guesses we re running simply for personal amusement: New Yorker king David Remnick and GQ maharajah Jim Nelson both of whom might be considered notorious, although for other reasons.

The closeted actor with a thing for straight PAs:
 If it s not Kevin Spacey, most of you will die of shock. The Man Who Killed Bobby Darin is currently filming the latest Superman and rumors of his homosexuality are practically at Tom Cruise-like levels. Speaking of, obviously many of you guessed Cruise as the guilty gay, potentially chasing tail on the set of Mission: Impossible 3 — although we doubt he d invest so much in his couch jumping just to go and blow the beard on set. Some of you mentioned Orlando Bloom and Hayden Christenson, complete with incriminating on-set details and the names of potential PA lust objects. We ll leave those be.

Other guesses included Matthew McConaughey, John Travolta, and Hugh Jackman (the usual suspects). A reader put it best: I will say that the only two I want to see wearing a small towel is Hugh or Matthew. The thought of Travolta, his hair implants and a towel is enough to make me ill. And Kevin in a towel, well, that would be enough to turn any PA straight.