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• You know what? It's TOTALLY alright that Ashlee Simpson got busted for lip-synching on Saturday Night Live, because now she's singing about it on her new album. Her father Joe says she's baring her soul and, if you don't go buy the CD, he's going to gnaw on your face while Ashlee watches. [Page Six]
• Take a moment and close your eyes; imagine a simpler time, when Tom Cruise was still freaked out by Scientology. [R&M]
• Da Silvano namesake Silvano Marchetto directs his ire towards Robert DeNiro after the actor had his food sent back to the kitchen. Da Silvano not kissing celebrity ass? Has the earth shifted on its axis? [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• Authorities still can't figure out who's guilty of shooting a photographer with a bb gun after he was found lurking outside of Britney Spears' house. Our theory: K-Fed was at the book depository, but a second gunman was also working from beyond the grassy knoll. [Page Six]
• Jessica Simpson claims that her breasts are her "accessory." No, sweetie: You're their accessory. [Scoop]