Team Party Crash: Heatherette Launch Party

Traver Rains and Richie Rich pride themselves on being prettier than you.
Former club kid Richie Rich once said, "It's what's on the outside that counts!" A man after our own heart (as if we had one, anyway). So when we heard he and partner Traver Rains were throwing a party for their Heatherette clothing line, we let Gawker gimp Noelle Hancock and resident porn-monkey Nikola Tamindzic off their leashes to drop by for an hour. After the jump, Lydia Hearst muses, Michael Musto has a gay ol' time, Fergie 'fesses up about her alleged engagement and Noelle wets her pants. (Two photos not appropriate for work, or life in general.)

Nikola's full gallery from the event available here.

For those not familiar with Heatherette, their clothes are bright and while wearing them you tend to resemble my parakeet, Jesus. Heatherette's last fashion show included a skirt made of Care Bears and a guy who walked the runway with a giant spider on his head. Hey, however you wanna roll, yo. It all looks pretty bitchin' on the catwalk although, to quote Cypress Hill, I ain't goin' out like that. Lucky for you guys, everyone else did.

Amanda Lepore: "What — too conservative?"

A scene from Halle Berry's Catwoman 2: Anything To Avoid Another Oprah-Produced TV Movie

Customers who viewed this photo also recommend you close your eyes next time.

Richie Rich and Traver Raines show up at Henri Bendel arm-in-arm. Traver is wearing a hat, chaps, and carrying a man purse. Richie is wearing roller skates and has received a rather large blessing from the God of Sequin. Appropriately enough, back in the day, Richie was a professional ice skater and Traver was in the rodeo. All they need is an Indian, a construction worker, to get themselves clean, have a good meal, and do whatever they feel.

"What do you get when you cross an Asian fetish with a doll enthusiast? I don't know either, but can you give him my number if you find him?"

Chin-fro: The new goatee?

Billy Idol called - he wants his look back. Jennifer Aniston called - she wants her Vanity Fair quote back. Then David Spade called - he wants his joke back. And his career.

Say what you will about Heatherette, but at least the clothes aren't boring. Have you looked around lately? The cowboy boots, my god, the cowboy boots! Braided gold belts worn under the breasts like it's disco night at the retirement home. And as for those knockoff metallic Balenciaga bags, well, don t piss in my flute and call it champagne, y all feel me?

She stopped by the party on her way to Libation.

Fergie doesn't want to talk about how she pissed herself last week.

Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas shows up without reported fiance and Las Vegas actor, Josh Duhamel. "He's aMAZing!" Fergie gushes. What about their alleged engagement? "Oh NONONO! Not engaged! Everything's fantastic but we're not engaged! What's great about Josh and I is that work is our first priority, and we respect that. So yes, we're amazing, but we re not engaged." Okay. But are they engaged?

Remembering Carrie Donovan.

Bruce and Pauline warm up for later.

Heatherette muse and publishing heiress Lydia Hearst is doing the ethereal thing and serving as party hostess. Just putting it out there: In terms of quality entertainment, would anything top an organized rumble between the Hearst heirs and Si Newhouse's fam? Why has this not happened yet? Call it "Conde Nast v. Hearst: Upper East Side Story" and you've got yourself one hell of a pay-per-view special. Do you think Si's the type of guy to cheer in support ("Newhouse in da hizouse! A'ight then!") or just quietly threaten to disinherit any Newhouse that falls?

Lydia Hearst: "You got beef, son? Because I will cut you. With my cheekbones, I will cut you!"

We honestly don't know if this is a partygoer or a mannequin.

Michael Musto sees a naked woman.

Someone says that Jake Shears of the Scissor Sisters is here. As I scan the crowd looking for him, the person says, "He's wearing Hello Kitty pants!" Sadly, this does not narrow things down (turns out he'd already left anyway).

"He looks like someone I once fucked!" The guy next to me says suddenly, pointing at a man wearing an orange, blue, pink, and gold taffeta ensemble of his own creation. Actually, he looks like something I once threw up after eating an entire box of popsicles. But, you know, whatever.

Fop-about-town Patrick McDonald: And on his farm he had some seriously amazing eyebrows.

Shaggy: Crashes parties, eschews conditioner.

Everyone keeps saying this party reminds them of Studio 54 and "old school New York," even though few in the room are over 30. For most of the crowd, old school New York was when Cats was still on Broadway and Subway was doing the "v-cut" in the tops of its sandwiches.

"Don't make me thpank you with my thparkle bat!"

Kenny Kenny and Fergie: While the top of Fergie's head evaporated to the VIP room, the rest of her graciously stayed to mingle.

Fergie says that Kids Incorporated is coming out on DVD. "It s going to be so embarrassing! The bangs just get higher! Every two years I ll randomly run into a cast member. I see Mario Lopez every now and then." What do you think plays the most prominent role in Mario Lopez's nightmares: Dustin Diamond, the day he was dumped by the Doritos girl, or that retarded guitar riff he did in every episode of Saved By the Bell?

While the teacher managed to keep Raul from eating the paste, the sticker stars of achievement were another story entirely.

The guy on the left is totally hating the guy on the right for dropping the ball on tickets to the 50 Cent/Eminem concert.

After eventually realizing that no one was paying them any attention, these two fellows would go home and wash their faces.

"There has got to be more to life than just being really really really ridiculously good-looking."

Finally, I run out of questions for Fergie and an awkward silence ensues. So...where are you from again? she asks.
Gawker! I say.
Oh," she replies looking quizzical, "Uh, okay."