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We have no doubt New York mag is made with all sorts of animal and animal-derived products and byproducts, from the leather whips with which Bruce Wasserstein keeps the staff motivated all day to the warm calf's milk in which Adam Moss soaks his feet each night. But the mag finally threw a bone, as it were, to the city's anti-meat community, picking vegan pastry chef Duch Ermold for this week's Look Book.

Duch says he's on a Judy Garland kick and a Dolly Parton kick, and he's known to dress up as Bea Arthur. After the jump Rupa Bhattacharya, Doug Mosurock, and Neel Shah discuss whether anyone would want to dress up as Duch.

Rupa Bhattacharya, Bacon Derridean:

Would you let Duch Ermold cook you up a vegan pastry? Why or why not?

Having once been asked to leave a (sort of) vegan (sort of) pastry demonstration for laughing too hard during the juicing segment, I'm uncomfortable answering this question. But, that having been said: certainly. And there's nothing funny about vegan pastry. Nothing whatsoever.

Any style tips for Duch?

There's a clear aesthetic contradiction here between "things taste better when there's no cruelty involved" and the stretching of the nipples. I realize it's Zen nipple-stretching, which is, after all, my favorite kind, but still, dude — pick one. I'm also wondering how he would describe "cauliflower hair" if he weren't a vegan. Hair whipped into gentle soft peaks of non-substitute egg white?

If Duch doesn't want to sound like a hippie, what does he want to sound like?

Unclear. I'm hung up on the "culinary school professor" thing, personally. When I went to culinary school, we didn't call them professors. We called them "chef," "sir," or "ma'am," with one memorable exception, whom we called "please stop touching me there."

What kind of love does he give his scones?

What kind of love doesn't he give his scones, really?

Doug Mosurock, staff writer, dustedmagazine.com

Would you let Duch Ermold cook you up a vegan pastry? Why or why not?

Sure, why not. A culinary education can't hurt his rep. Plus, I'm always up for finding surprises baked into my desserts, like a 00 ear expander plug, bicycle grease, or some random detritus from the squat he lives in.

Any style tips for Duch?

You go, girl. Strike that pose. Actually, I think Duch's style is too full of contradictions, sort of a Katamari Damacy of punk fashion. It's like he put glue all over himself, did two laps through Beacon's Closet, and ran out with whatever stuck to him. All that's missing is a Minnie Pearl hat with a price tag on it. Duch, I know, you're young, you want the world to notice you, but there are ways of looking like less of a trainwreck. The mohawk, the dye job, the band patch on the jeans (obscured ... though something tells me Duch isn't a big Nausea fan) and the ear-tusks are conflicting pretty hard with the young miss raincoat and the Boy George tee. Settle down, maybe pick a color scheme and an outfit with the same pride you'd doff your drag-on lady gear and you'll find a nice boy to feed your vegan pignoli to.

If Duch doesn't want to sound like a hippie, what does he want to sound like?

He wants to sound like all things to all people, a product of screaming pink/punk Midwestern rebellion. He definitely wants to look like a crust punk, but there's a young queer teenage Hedwig-boi, recently out and clawing away at his insides, ready to start crying at a moment's notice. Dude needs to get some sort of grip and focus his energies, and lots of internal questions would start answering themselves. Bea Arthur wouldn't hang out at ABC No Rio, and I doubt Duch would either.

What kind of love does he give his scones?

Quick and dirty, but the kind that will also call you about 20 times a day, wanting to know how you're feeling and imparting every detail of his day to you. Threatening to come over if you don't pick up. The kind of love you shouldn't give your real number to, at least until it grows up for a few more years.

Neel Shah, Gawker intern and New York Daily News pet monkey

Would you let Duch Ermold cook you up a vegan pastry?

Um, before we get to the question at hand, I must confess I have a question of my own. If I may be blunt for a moment, is Duch a male or a female? Honestly. I defy anyone to look at this picture and point out a single piece of his/her ensemble that offers up a shred of indisputable gender evidence. I've been racking my brain for the past 20 minutes now and still haven't reached a conclusion I'm comfortable with. But yeah, cook me up one of your vegan pastries, Duch. Fortunately, sugar, flaxseeds, and bananas can be used effectively by male and female chefs alike. Well, at least sugar and flaxseeds.

Any style tips for Duch?

Lose the hair, Duchy. I'm pretty sure Jean Georges isn't going to make you his next Johnny Iuzzini if you can't look good in the silly pastry hat.

If Duch doesn't want to sound like a hippie, what does he want to sound like?

If Duch doesn't want to sound like a hippie, he should stop being a vegan pastry chef who taps into his inner Bea Arthur while getting his nipples pierced. From this vantage point, it sounds like he wants to sound like a fucking hippie. Though the "I get all my clothes at a little vintage store on N. 11th in Brooklyn" (read: I live in Williamsburg) was a clever way to drop some indirect hipster cred.

What kind of love does he give his scones?

I'm not so sure I want to know. For the sake of his customers, though, here's to hoping Duch's little creations play no part in his newfound Dolly Parton fetish. I'm pretty sure scones that have recently been in the bra of a cross-dressing Drag Queen can no longer be classified as "vegan."