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Wherein we invite our readers to step into humpy E! emperor Ted Casablanca Coliseum of Gossip and join his weekly blind item in full gladiatorial combat. After a week in which Casablanca seemed to embark on his Labor Day holiday without leaving one of his patented, brain-smoothing celebrity riddles behind, he returns to form not with a rote "starlets doing blow" or "all straight actors love a little cock" item, but with a twisted tale of child-care cheapness. Take a romantic walk on the beach with One Cheap-Ass Blind Vice:

Ted sez: "Pinchy Pepper can have whatever she wants. Indeed, when she was in the heyday of her four minutes of teenybopper fame, she never let us forget—not even for an over-mouth-lined minute—that she was all about the money. Then she hooked up with someone who rakes in more cashola than most hunks dream of possessing in Hollywood. Oh, and the partner-unit's hot, too...Here's the deal: Double P.'s been on the hunt for a nanny to tend the tiny ones. A real headache when your guy is known for his roving eye and you've got visions of Jude Law's antics splashed across your (starved) noggin." Read the item.

You say: Send your guesses to defamer[AT]gmail.com and put "blind" in the subject line. We'll post your responses later today.