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In this week's edition of New York magazine's Look Book, we meet Pete Kress, your friendly neighborhood bouncer. Pete considers his style "rico suave," likes pig carcasses, and comes complete with tattoos and pit bull. But we bet you already knew all that just by looking at him. After the jump, Intern Alexis grills Aziz Ansari, Jen Adams, and Christina Kallery for their tips and tricks for making Petey a pretty boy.

Aziz Ansari, stand-up comedian

With the anniversary edition of the Outsiders coming out soon, we have to ask... Is Pete a greaser?

Greaser all the way, but not a Ponyboy style pansy though. Make no mistake. Petey is the real deal. I love how he says, "I think if someone could encapsulate your style in a phrase well, I don't know how I'd feel about that person. I just keeps it real." Notice how he just encapsulated his style in a phrase?!

How did Pete deal with underage CMJ concertgoers?

Ain't no telling. I hope none of them were riding souped up cars and wearing fancy madras though. Those kids woulda got f'd up.

We saw Pete get real with someone for drinking a cup of water outside of Sin- on Friday night. Just water! We saw it! Discuss.

Look, getting real isn't always pretty. Sometimes you gotta get real with someone EVEN if they're just drinking water. I was on a date with Cherry Valance once and we went to Sin- . Petey was all looking at her, and I was like "Hey man! What's the deal?!" He was like, "Look, I just keeps it real. Your girl Cherry Valance is hot." I said, "That's fine, but she's here with me tonight!" and then I kicked his dog in the face.


Jen Adams, judgmental freelance writer

With the anniversary edition of the Outsiders coming out soon, we have to ask... Is Pete a greaser?

Pete would like to think he's a Greaser, but it's all really just overcompensation for the fact that he was born a Soc. His father, a respected dermatologist, and his mother, a nutritionist, instilled in him the idea that he "could be anything he wanted if he set his mind to it". If you look closely at the fourth tattoo up on his left arm, it says "Scarsdale rulez!" Ahh, the mistakes of a misspent summer caddying.

How did Pete deal with underage CMJ concertgoers?

Have you seen the size of the balls on that dog? How do you think he deals with underage CMJ concertgoers? If you so much as hesitate on your zip code or whether you wear corrective lenses, that dog smells your fear. It's a nice change, you should have seen the place when Pete actually did have a teacup poodle.

We saw Pete get real with someone for drinking a cup of water outside of Sin- on Friday night. Just water! We saw it! Discuss.

They should have known better. That's actually the fifth tattoo on his left pec — it says "Please Respect the NY State Open Container Law," and then he's got it in Chinese symbols on the right one. He was running out of events to commemorate, and one of the bartenders was doing them in the staff room with an old guitar string.


Christina Kallery, style maven, copy hack and freelance writer

With the anniversary edition of the Outsiders coming out soon, we have to ask... Is Pete a greaser?

Yes. Which is confusing. According to his logic, punk, CBGB and hippies are all irrelevant—yet somehow Happy Days has eluded the reaper's cruel scythe? He must know what he's talking about, though. He has a lot of tattoos and a pit bull. Wait, is that Yosemite Sam on his clavicle?

How did Pete deal with underage CMJ concertgoers?

Told them how irrelevant they all were. Then he would punch the\ nearest jukebox, causing it to spontaneously cue up the Big Bopper. After that, he'd snap his fingers to summon a couple hot chicks to his side. On slow nights, he MIGHT compete in a dance marathon, astounding the crowd with his fierce Russian jig. Aaaayyyyy!

We saw Pete get real with someone for drinking a cup of water outside of Sin- on Friday night. Just water! We saw it! Discuss.

This kind of surprises me. You'd think a guy with lots of tattoos and a pit bull would be ANTI-violence. Then again, he there's that whole extra-for-the-Sharks, rumble-scene-in-West-Side-Story look he has going on. A thousand philosophers could labor for a thousand years and never solve the enigma.