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Wherein we invite our readers to spend some quality time in the bamboo tiger cage of humpy E! banana republic gossip dictator Ted Casablanca, and in the interminable minutes between the force-feedings of fire ants, ponder the identity of his weekly blind item. This week's subject? We'll give you two guesses, and the first one about how much actresses love the narcotic effects of cocaine doesn't count. Cram into the closet with One Fake-Ass Blind Vice:

Ted sez: "All across America, celeb watchers are wishin' and hopin' that Fudgy Poof and Diandra Dope are an item. Oh, how cute they would be! Folks can hardly talk 'bout these two without damned exclamation marks!!! He's so real—how has he remained unattached for so many years? And she's so...well, she's Diandra, and that's good enough for most. True, I'm starting to feel like all the world's an all-boys theater camp in the Catskills and I'm the one hiding in the bushes with the binoculars. Yep, here we go again." Read the item.

You say: Send your guesses to defamer[AT]gmail.com and put "blind" in the subject line. We'll post your responses later today.