Looking at the Look Book
In this week's installment of New York mag's style pages for the common man, the Look Book, we're introduced to Ronald Whitfield, the number two man for the NYC Department of Corrections union. Describing his style as "mature conservative," Whitfield isn't a fan of the baggy-pants prison style but sure loves him some haberdashery before a night in with the latest episode of CSI (Oz, however, is a little too realistic). He's also given a lot of thought to the prison plights of Martha Stewart versus Lil' Kim, which means we might have something in common with Ron after all. After the jump, Intern Alexis wrangles Steven Chen, Katie Halper, and Daniel Levin Becker for comment on Whitfield's Stacy Adams shoes.
Steven Chen, Associate Editor, CMJ
Ronald Whitfield is not a fan of prison style. If given the opportunity, how do you think he would go about redesigning the inmates' duds?
Like the man says, it's important to have respect for your wardens, particularly female ones. While exposing your underwear might send the wrong message, like, "Bitch, this is MY prison," something a little less "rapey" might do the trick. Ronald's probably thinking what I'm thinking: drawstring pants and a smart pair of loafers.
Why haven't they made a Jerry Bruckheimer-produced TV show out of Ronald's life yet?
That's true. There hasn't been a really crappy show about a warden in forever. Although I did hear that "The Amazing Race 9" will actually send inmates on an eye-opening, whirlwind race around the world. So Bruck's got prison covered.
What does Ronald mean by "mature conservative?" What's an immature conservative look like?
Is Tucker Carlson too easy? Okay, then some kind of Tucker Carlson/Jonathan Cheban mix. That gives us someone with a bowtie and a gay haircut to end all gay haircuts.
Do you think it was fair to send Lil' Kim to a federal jail, when Martha Stewart, who was also convicted for perjury, did her time in minimum-security?
I hear federal prisons aren't that bad. Especially if you can rap.
Katie Halper, comedian, documentary filmmaker, artistic director of the Tank
Ronald Whitfield is not a fan of prison style. If given the opportunity, how do you think he would go about redesigning the inmates' duds?
I think Ronald's first redesign priority would be making the waists tighter. Without any ugly altercations, the Ronald waist would make it physically impossible for the prisoners to wear "baggy pants hanging down" with their underwear and/or skin on parade. Protected from the unseemly sights, female wardens would be less "disrespect[ed]", or, as I like to say, "dissed." Those inmates who accepted the new waist with grace would be allowed to choose one of the following Harlem-South fusion accessories: a haberdashery-by-City Hall hat, a Portobello suit, a pair of Stacy Adams shoes. I'm not sure what Ronald would do with prisoners who didn't comply. But Ronald is creative, in both fashion and communication and would come up with something very Ronald and fresh.
Why haven't they made a Jerry Bruckheimer-produced TV show out of Ronald's life yet?
I'm not surprised in the least that he hasn't made a show about this union leader. America is not ready to see a union leader who looks good. Norma Rae was a popular movie, but Sally Field's character was a total slob. In a few years America will be ready for an in-your-face-sexy unionist and The Ronald Whitfield show.
The real question is why Dick Wolf hasn't cast Ronald for a role as a judge, lawyer, drug dealer, etc. on Law and Order. To answer that, we must look at who is playing the DA. It's no secret that the District Attorney, Arthur Branch, is played by actor Fred Thompson, who was Nixon's attorney (during Watergate!) and, more recently, served as John Roberts' advisor. The last thing Thompson wants to see is a well-dressed union man. And he certainly doesn't want to have to work with one. Sam Waterston, who plays Executive Assistant District Attorney John James "Jack" McCoy, is an avid Nation reader who even appears in the magazine's ads. He, of course, would like nothing more than to work with Ronald. But at the end of the day, Thompson is playing the DA and Waterston is playing an assistant DA. So it's obvious who gets to call the shots.
What does Ronald mean by "mature conservative?" What's an immature conservative look like?
"Mature conservative" was originally a derogatory term applied to Southerners who moved to Harlem. Before their white flight from Harlem, Jews used to shout "immature conservative" at the people moving into homes in Harlem from the South, be they white or black. The term has since been embraced and Ronald is one of the many people of his generation to reappropriate it and creatively recreate its meaning.
Mature conservative can also describe Martha Stewart's style. And an immature conservative looks like Tucker Carlson.
Do you think it was fair to send Lil' Kim to a federal jail, when Martha Stewart, who was also convicted for perjury, did her time in minimum-security?
I would have felt safer knowing that Martha Stewart was in a federal jail because what she did was really inexcusable. And I'm glad that out of the thousands of people who commit insider trading each day, the DA decided to single her out. Because she is one of the most powerful and dangerous women in the world. Of course, I hope less influential figures like Tom DeLay and Bill Frist are dealt with with the leniency and compassion they deserve as our civic leaders.
As for Lil' Kim, her crime warrants time in a federal jail. At the same time, her status as a God-fearing person, which she disclosed to the judge, when she said "I am a God-fearing good person," should get her a get out of federal jail free card. Sadly it did not. I am confident that God will continue to scare Kim into recording more great songs such as "Not Tonight" with its catchy soulful "don't want dick tonight/eat my pussy right" chorus.
Daniel Levin Becker, Dusted Magazine writer & gentleman of leisure
Ronald Whitfield is not a fan of prison style. If given the opportunity, how do you think he would go about redesigning the inmates' duds?
A lot more tapering. Sure, you can still sag (or hide contraband in) a nice pair of slacks, but the point is you wouldn't WANT to. Also, GPS-enabled gold jewelry: inmates can get increasingly iced out as a reward for good behavior. I call it "clink bling."
Why haven't they made a Jerry Bruckheimer-produced TV show out of Ronald's life yet?
That's what you think. Nicolas Cage and LL Cool J are signed on to star as the gruff but lovable prison administrator and the soulful, wrongfully imprisoned inmate, respectively. When ratings slump mid-season they will switch faces.
What does Ronald mean by "mature conservative?" What's an immature conservative look like?
1. Tie matches handkerchief, hat matches shoes, Super Bowl ring on ring finger matches Super Bowl ring on pinky.
2. Dubya (cheap shot! unh!).
Do you think it was fair to send Lil' Kim to a federal jail, when Martha Stewart, who was also convicted for perjury, did her time in minimum-security?
Fully. Lil' Kim would be eaten alive in a minimum-security prison.