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Don't get us wrong. We understand the nature of the scientific method is to eliminating possibilities. But, still, we're amused by this definition of news. We await other, analogous headlines in future editions of Science Times:

• Dec. 6, 2005: Does Exercise Cause Cancer? Probably Not, Research Finds
 • Dec. 13, 2005: Does Fast Food Cause Cancer? Probably Not, Research Finds
 • Dec. 20, 2005: Does Indoor Umbrella-Opening Cause Bad Luck? Probably Not, Research Finds
 • Dec. 27, 2005: Does Stepping on Cracks Break Mothers' Backs? Probably Not, Research Finds
 • Jan. 3, 2005: Does Masturbation Cause Blindness? Probably Not, Research Finds

Do inane health stories make respected newspapers as silly as local TV news? Probably.

Does Stress Cause Cancer? Probably Not, Research Finds [NYT]