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Wherein we invite our readers to crash-land their jetliner in humpy E! gossipist Ted Casablanca's mysterious tropical paradise and establish a new society with near-weekly blind items as the only codified law. This time, Casablanca casts aside the dirty needles and closeted actors to weave a somewhat semishocking tale of celebrity tooldom. Dive into One Stunted, Surly Blind Vice:

Ted sez: "I'm so over my high school days that I don't even know where my friggin' yearbook is. Aren't you? Well, you me and Drew Barrymore are all prolly more adjusted than former teen heartthrob Jumbo Jackoff. Girls crushed on him. Guys secretly wanted to dress like him. And moms were like, eh, he's not exactly David Cassidy, but he's okay." Read the item.

You say: Send your guesses to defamer[AT]gmail.com, and put "blind" in the subject line. We'll post them later today.