Sometimes, we think we ought to start compensating Intern Alexis with something other than stale biscuits. After all, the poor dear actually dragged her ass through EIGHTY PAGES of the latest Times Book Review, just so we could all read her report and act as if we were literate. For such hard work, she deserves better. Maybe this year we'll stop making her act as like a human Hanukkah candle. Maybe.

After the jump, Alexis deals with poor organization, doorman nostalgia, and the world's most frightening caricature of Jean-Paul Sartre.

T te- -T te: Simone de Beauvoir and Jean-Paul Sartre
 By Hazel Rowley
Reviewed by Cristina Nehring

Andre Carrilho is a fabulous caricaturist. We're fans. If someone's got a big nose, he will exaggerate it, if someone's got a long neck, he'll stretch it and if someone's got bags under his eyes, he'll make us want to eat them.

This image was lost some time after publication.

But in the case of Jean-Paul Sartre, this week, we think Carrilho might have gotten a little Carrilhoed away. Yes, as Cristina Nehring notes, Sartre was no looker ("John Huston described the walleyed little Frenchman as just about 'as ugly as a human being can be' and Edward Said remembered him as 'uncommunicative,' with 'egg and mayonnaise streaming haplessly down his face' ."), but ye gads, at right is the ugliest drawing we have ever seen! Let's put it this way: The other day, we were telling our friend how ugly the ugliest dog in the world was (may said dog RIP), and he just couldn't grasp the level of ugliness. So he asked us if there were a biopic made who would play the ugliest dog. We weren't sure at the time. Now, we know. This picture of Jean-Paul Sartre would play the ugliest dog in the world.


PLACEMENT, PEOPLE!

With 80 whopping pages in this week's NYTBR, we understand that not all reviews can have a prime real estate spot. But Frank McCourt's new one, "Teacher Man: A Memoir," which is number one on the bestseller list, is buried on page 66, practically on Roosevelt Island, sandwiched between an ad for some beefcake cavemen books that urge us to "Put some HEAT" into our holidays and an autism book... It's also a glowing review! Meanwhile, the most boring-sounding book maybe in the world, "Shopping in the Renaissance: Consumer Cultures in Italy, 1400-1600" is on page 44. Liesl Schillinger's a great writer, but even a J. Lo reference can't make this shit interesting: "And the purse strings for all but sundry purchases were in the hands of the man of the house unless the woman had ample resources of her own, both monetary and intellectual. In such cases, they could be more demanding and capricious than J. Lo before a concert." And an equally boring book, "Ice: The Nature, the History, and the Uses of an Astonishing Substance" is on page "Fifth Avenue" 16. Instead of feeding us ice, let's get some frickin water and Frank McCourt over here.


The Jules Feiffer/Kate Feiffer Complex

Double Pink
 By Kate Feiffer
Reviewed by Penelope Green

We were downright delighted with the Jules Feiffer-illustrated Review.

The watercolored cover, back page and everything in between made our hearts go pitter patter. But the pitter patter turned into a thud when we noticed that Kate "Daughter of Jules" Feiffer's children's book, "Double Pink" received a really nice review Penelope Green writes that "Feiffer has an economy of style and understated wit that reminds me of her father, Jules " Then we turned the page and there was large, bright yellow ad for "A Room With a Zoo" Jules Feiffer's new book. Yeesh! We think we prefer being tricked and hoodwinked than having nepotism and blatant cross-promotion shoved in our faces


Doormen
 By Peter Bearman
Reviewed by Judith Martin

Judith Martin, in her review of Peter Bearman's sociological study of New York doormen, spends the first column and a half of her two and a half column review discussing doorman Christmas tip etiquette and devotes only a couple measly sentences to doorman-tenant lovin': "Doormen often chat up tenants, some of whom hang out in the lobby for company, but they do not flirt. Inside the building it would endanger their jobs, and outside, it doesn't work." Um okay. Let's just say, when we were 15ish, we were in loveish with our doormanish. He even made us a mix CD once. Of trance music. He was only a temporary doorman, though, and about a year and a half ago, we arrived home and a different doorman had clipped out and saved a copy of his wedding announcement in the Daily News for us. Now that's what we call service! Just wish we had gotten a little more servicing back in 10th grade Sigh.