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Just to clear some things up, right off the bat: the individual featured in this week's edition of New York magazine's Look Book is not, we repeat, NOT Fake David Cross. While the bald head and glasses may indicate Fake Davidness, we want to remind you that the beard automatically disqualifies any potential doppelganger.

Instead, the man at right is — wait for it — McCloud Zicmuse, a saffron-bedecked "aesthete" who sings French children's songs and prints business cards. Zicmuse finds color to be a "great complement" to sex, so we're giving him vermillion anal beads for Christmas.

After the jump, Intern Alexis grills Thomas Onorato, Quinn Asteak, and Jonas Oransky for their chic analyses.

Thomas Onorato, MisShapes/Motherfucker Doorman and Publicist

If you were, say, a doorperson at MisShapes, would you let McCloud in? Why or why not?

Of course! Look at this fine bearded man! He has a look and he is working it. As my good friend and fellow doorperson Connie Flemming and I always say, "We don't care what look you work, just pick one and work it." How gay is that?!? But it is true. How refreshing is it that someone put a little effort into their daytime outfit - his socks even match his bag!

I don't care if you're black or white, straight or gay, young or old, we just want you to dress up a little and make things special when you go out and party like it's 1999 at our clubs. So whether your look is punk, goth, indie rocker, hipster, fashionista, Tom Ford's "man candy" or lesbian Argentine heiress, put in a little effort and work that look. Please don't make the mistake of looking like you just came from drinks with the peeps at the office, we all know how unspecial most of those events are and it usually involves a pregnancy test the next day.

What's McCloud afraid of? What's he jumping away from?

He is fearful and allergic to Progress and Industrialization. It is obvious that he would be much happier at the turn of the century running a small local shop called "McLoud's Ephemera and Curious Goods," and of course running around singing French children's songs while doing so. He would be wearing a burnt orange velvet top coat, men's formal white shirt and side satchel. He would look quite at home picking moths off of Patsy Kensit in Angels & Insects, Diagon Alley, Bram Stoker's Dracula or Dame Judie Dench's kitchen.

Which came first? The name "McCloud" or singing French children's songs?

I really hope the French children songs from his youth; otherwise he definitely has some more explaining to do. Although, I must always give props to people who turn their obsessions into a money-making career.

Purse or messenger bag?

Neither. He is clearly holding what my production partner Max Wixom and I would refer to as a "man-bag" or even better a "murse."


Quinn Asteak, Paper mag pup/designer

If you were, say, a doorperson at MisShapes, would you let McCloud in? Why or why not?

I'm always one to "Let The Sunshine In" (Hair? Anyone?) And homeboy is allll about dressing like sunshine. So, yes.

What's McCloud afraid of? What's he jumping away from?

A woman wearing 94% charcoal, 3% navy, 2.5% brown, and .5% beige.

Which came first? The name "McCloud" or singing French children's songs?

We'll I was born with the last name Asteak and on weekends I work at a butcher's shop in Queens. So, McCloud. [Ed: Disclaimer — Quinn does not really work at a butcher's shop, yet she stands by her answer: McCloud.]

Purse or messenger bag?

If it matches your cashmere V-neck, belt, and your socks, it's a purse, sweetheart. Check out more man purses at www.quinnj.net. Pardon the shameless plug. Buy my goods.


Jonas Oransky, researcher/band aid

If you were, say, a doorperson at MisShapes, would you let McCloud in? Why or why not?

Depends on the time of night, the guest of honor, and the weather on 7th Avenue. Truth is, I'd have trouble deciding in general. Just about everyone is beautiful. Further, in my Buddhism tutorial, arbitrarily turning down comers at a door was a key example in the 'karmic don't' planbook.

And we've got a whole new set of challenges now that we're moving west to Don Hill's, as there will be no 'Tiswas to slough off the too-loose pants and the over-thirties...

What's McCloud afraid of? What's he jumping away from?

Whatever do you mean, Intern Alexis? He's strolling up a steep Bavarian hillside. He sees the world in Reich-fundamental mountain myths, and is trolling the Northeastern Alps for baby blue cotton patches. Off-turquoise mittens promise to make his palette utterly
unimpeachable.

Wait a tic: I just read that "most satisfying thing on Earth" pullquote closely. Color works for him as a "complement" to sex! Is he fuschia when plumping the bedsheets? And then a bit more mauve upon relaxed exhalation?

Which came first? The name "McCloud" or singing French children's songs?

His name is clearly derived from the classic Robert Altman film Brewster McCloud, which concerns a Le Ton Mite-ish pack of seekers, aspirants and delusionals and takes place mainly in a hippodrome. Etc.

Hm, I'm not enjoying this making fun. This guy's actually pretty sweet, and I'm sure his music is inventive. I wouldn't stoop to golden-age Altman comparison for a sucker. That said, I'm disappointed to find him a poseur: flitting around French Canada a budget rendering of France only for those cynical enough to choose cynicism - just to get invited to Marseilles. J'Accuse!, Zicmuse, of taking the Quebecois for a (delightful) ride.

Purse or messenger bag?

Looks flasky.

Really, really weak to ask him about The Gates. How can that be Amy Larocca's first visual culture/emotional resonance reference? And how could she even focus on the interview while giddy to pop a final
question inspired by McCloud's purse-sweater-sock-shoelace combo? I know she's paid to inquire, but she should also know when not to blow the man's spot.