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Page Six has an eyewitness account of the recent blitzkrieg of downtown Manhattan by Luke "Fat Man" Wilson and Johnny "Little Boy" Knoxville, both fittingly bombed out of their gourds:

On Friday night, our spy reports Wilson hooked up with Knoxville at the Meatpacking District's Hog Pit barbecue, where they both "seemed completely out of their minds." Says the source: "On Johnny's way out, he flipped out on a guy who called him a peach and threw the guy into a table, which broke in two. He then hit himself in his own head, as if trying to sober himself up." Sunday afternoon, the duo hit cocktail hour a tad early at Milady's Bar in SoHo, where they blended right in. Shades-wearing Knoxville and puffy-looking Wilson shot pool and kept the drinks coming until Knoxville cut out with a short blond woman. Wilson, who's filming "Super Ex-Girlfriend" in New York with Uma Thurman, looked as if "someone had slipped him a Mickey" and was "mumbling his words" as he chatted with a slinky, raven-haired "rocker chick." After the woman left, Wilson wandered out onto Thompson Street but was ushered back in by the bartender for forgetting to pay his tab. The typically unfazed blue-collar crowd finally took notice and camera flashes popped. Wilson made haste from the bar with an unknown couple.

Let that be a lesson to all inclined to refer to The Ringer star Knoxville as a refreshing piece of fruit: retribution will come swiftly and mercilessly in the form of a Three Stooges routine. As for the formerly svelte, non-Butterscotch flavored Wilson, we would almost dismiss these claims of his recent puffing had it not been for a recent Go Fug Yourself post placing him squarely at an almost-time-for-fat-panic "blue alert" on their Bloat Watch Terror Level Chart.