Friday:
 • If Jimmy Stewart and his stupid building make you want to wretch, then A Christmas Story is the holiday movie for you. Catch the 1983 classic, with its triple-dog-dares and its BB guns, on the big screen at the Landmark Sunshine. [flavorpill]
• Even Danny Tenaglia caves to the holidays, presenting the unfortunately-named Be Your 'Elf celebration tonight at Spirit. Insert pointy-shoes joke here. [WUNY]
Saturday:
 • The Jews take back the holiday season, declaring Hanukkah just when Christmas was coming to a boil. And they'll be here for 8 nights, kids. Kick off the Festival of Lights with Jewltide III at Southpaw in Park Slope. [flavorpill]
• Jews, schmooze, and booze: The Ball 2005, simultaneously taking over Avalon, The Park, Hiro at the Maritime Hotel and Spider Club, promises to be "the nation's biggest Jewish singles event." Funny, sounds like just another night in Manhattan to us. [Upcoming]
Sunday:
 • Makor hosts a chinese food-laden movie fest, featuring films by Gene and Billy Wilder. If you're looking for something a little more mindless, smuggle the eggrolls to King Kong, Cassanova, or The Producers, all now playing. [TONY]
Monday:
 • Jackie Hoffman hits Joe's Pub, bringing Christmas (or its bitter alter-ego) to gays, Jews, and other assorted outcasts. Drain the holiday spirit right out of you with a slew of inappropriate jokes and a rousing "Hanukkah, oh Hanukkah" or two, because Christmas is over. Thank God. [flavorpill]