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Determined to remind us all that it is the once and future king of celebrity shitstorms, People magazine has announced that Angelina Jolie has been inseminated with the insensitive seed of Brad Pitt, as confirmed by unnamed reps of both stars. Because she is nothing if not a shiv-toting earth mother, Jolie first told the news to a charity aid worker in the Dominican Republic. See? Now you can't hate her.

Jennifer Aniston, too busy chain-smoking Merits and forcing Vince Vaughn to mount her at calculated intervals, was unavailable for comment.

Angelina Jolie Pregnant [People]