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• Vanity Fair decides that its pre-Golden Globes party is the new VF Oscar Party, particularly because Naomi Watts showed up without beau Liev Schreiber and was overheard asking for "nice, single guys." Doesn't that TOTALLY make you want to go subscribe to the magazine? [Page Six]
• Bobby Brown has been heard saying that he and Whitney Houston are getting divorce. While Brown is no catch, we're thinking he's probably tired of carting his wife in and out of rehab while manually relieving her of her constipation. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• Michael Jackson can molest all the kiddies he wants, but when he starts molesting kittens and puppies, PETA's got to get involved. [Scoop]
• Halle Berry wants to get knocked up ASAP, Brittany Murphy gets engaged to some random coffee-fetcher, Andie MacDowell is wedding a used-car salesman, and the logic of the universe just totally crapped itself. [R&M]
• Page Six finally catches on to Vincent Gallo's website (baby steps!), in which he writes about his sperm in the third person. [Page Six]